Hermit Lyfe Confessions


Joseph Campbell – philosopher and scholar – coined the ever-popular phrase: follow your bliss. I’m sure you’ve seen this before, in the form of an inspirational poster – written in a cute, girly sprawl, and blooming with whimsically painted flowers. Campbell said, “Wherever you are—if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time.” So wise, and if you want to take the time to meditate on this belief, then I’m sure your life will become all the more meaningful. But here at Rêve Head, I’d rather take an abstruse concept and dumb it down a bit. My bliss involves Netflix and take-out. What about you?

Y’know – I’m not one to necessarily shy away from an esoteric debate, or an opportunity to contemplate a complex global conundrum. And yes – there is nothing I’d love more than to sport a sophisticated wardrobe of Céline, Balenciaga, and Proenza Schouler and attend highbrow film festivals or contemporary art exhibits. But, the truth of the matter is, there is nothing more blissful than spending a slothful day in bed, surrounded by last night’s late night eats and a fully loaded episode of some insipid YET scandalously fascinating reality tv show. The perfect date for a solo day at home.

These are my *hermit* confessions/If I’m gonna tell it then I gotta tell it all (obviously sung to the tune of Usher’s classic hit)


Hermit Guideline to a Blissful 24 Hours

9:00pm  The perfect hermit day is one that is justified. Thus, you must set yourself up for a lazy day by having a social and full evening. You’re all gussied up and your besties are coming over to sip on some cab sauv.

11:15pm You’ve shown that bottle who’s boss and realize it’s about time to leave the premises. Local watering hole, here we come!

11:30pm – 3ish-am After a fun night out with your friends, the bar is closing (the lights are coming on – get the HELL out of there) and it’s time to call it a night. “Or is it?” asks the hermit.

3:30am You’re home now – you’ve washed your face, brushed your teeth, and are now comfortable and content in your pyjamas. Next up – scan your options on Just-Eat to see who will still deliver a wonderful feast to you. By this time of night your late night food options are as follows (and I speak from experience):

  • Get a hotdog from your local street meat vendor. Put said hotdog into your purse for safe keeping until you’re home.
  • The Chinese place that seems to be open 24/7.
  • Pizza from whoever’s offering. If you’re lucky there will be spaghetti and a variety of bread-type appetizers available as well.

3:40-4:40am Sadly now you must try and stay awake while waiting for your feast to arrive. During this time you may question your decision to order food or perhaps even your life choices in general. To distract yourself do some Pilates or something. This will alleviate any groggy guilt you may be experiencing.

4:40-5:20am You’ve realized your eyes were bigger than your stomach, and you can barely keep them open while you watch old episodes of Community or Friends. You put your bounty in the fridge for safe keeping and crawl into your bed. Your home for the next 18 hours.

10:30am For some inexplicable reason you jump out of bed, unable to sleep any longer. Make some coffee, maybe some oatmeal, stream more reruns. Who do you think you’re kidding? This is not going to be a productive day.

1:00-9:30pm By 1:00pm you face the fact that it’s time to get into your hermit groove. You’ve thrown your comfiest flannel on, have brought your take-out into your room and created a buffet beside you on a row of hardcover books. Now let the entertainment begin! For the rest of the day you will pick at your food from the picnic you’ve set up for yourself, stream endless episodes of Broad City, Portlandia, House of Cards, and The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and all the quirky rom-coms, and eccentric dramas Netflix has to offer.

Yes – culture, activities, and socializing are great. But sometimes – you just gotta do you. Follow yo’ bliss!




2 responses to “Hermit Lyfe Confessions

  1. Pingback: Just Eat It: Cauliflower | the rêve head

  2. Pingback: Inherent Vices | the rêve head

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