3rd Annual Oscar Superlatives

Last night the 88th Annual Academy Awards took place…annnnnnd there’s nothing that remarkable to report. As per every year I made a point of watching all the nominated movies in the best picture, acting, and directing categories to prepare myself for Oscar night, and just like every year I realize that my tastes strongly differ from the old, white man opinions that represent the Academy. Typically I’m abuzz with excitement for the Oscars, and my brain is whirring whilst I watch, creating quips that I can remark on the following day, but this year was especially lacklustre. I felt that many of the nominees were nothing special, that a good handful of the winners were undeserving of such profound recognition and that the show itself was quite devoid of personality. However – my Oscar superlatives have become somewhat of a tradition, so I shall put my wit and observational skills to the test, and produce my own compilation of ‘Best Of’s.

Biggest Question Mark: Stacey Dash

Wtf was Dionne doing there??

Best Cringe During a Cringe-Worthy Night: Chrissy Teigen

The face that represents all our reactions to last night’s bounty of awkward moments.

Best Eyes: Lady Gaga

Lady Gaga’s pink sparkly eye makeup could not have been more dazzling.

Best Hair: Alicia Vikander

Love a good ‘hun’ bun!

Best Lip: Priyanka Chopra

Could this woman be more stunning?! She also wins for ‘Woman I’d Most Like To Freaky Friday With’.

Most Bad Ass: Rooney Mara

I’m super into these triceratop-buns and will most definitely be stealing this look for the festival circuit this summer.

Hottest Pout: Ryan Gosling

Whassa matter cutie?

Brightest Smile: Michael Fassbender

Biggest Mystery: Leo’s Mouth

I’m quite convinced Leo’s puffy cheek, sagging lip, and need to slurp his saliva was due to chewing tobacco. Vaporizers were banned and he must have needed his tobacco fix…sooooo was that cheek bulge a wad of chew? I guess we’ll never know.

Sweetest Angel Baby: Jacob Tremblay

Is there a child more adorable on this planet?

LOOK HOW EXCITED HE IS ABOUT ROBOTS!

Biggest DILF: Mr. Tremblay

I would like to offer my nanny services, please and thank you.

Most Powerful Moment: Lady Gaga

Such a courageous group of men and women, survivors of sexual assaults, taking the stage and joining Lady Gaga during her powerful and heart-wrenching performance of Til It Happens To You.

Best Reunion: Jack and Rose

Our hearts will go on.

Best In Show: Tracy Morgan

Best ‘What Was She Thinking?!’ Red Carpet Moment (aka. Worst): Heidi Klum

Who let her leave the house in this monstrosity!?

Most Missed: John Travolta

Who has brought the most Oscar laughs over the past 2 years? Mr. Travolta! With his name mix ups, and red carpet hug attacks, this rogue character could have brought some much needed levity to the awards.

Most Predictable Cameo: The Revenant Bear

*Obligatory Knee Slap*

Best Blonde: Pharrell Williams

As the newest blonde on the block, we’re all of course wondering, is this happy singer indeed having more fun?

Best Specs: A 3-Way Tie!!!

I found it impossible to choose between Sissy Spacek and George Miller’s eccentric spectacles, and Kate Winslet’s ever-so-slightly crooked frames. So they all win! Congrats weirdos!

Biggest Upset: Spotlight Wins

How. I repeat HOW. Does this movie represent the best picture in 2015? Yes it was a well put together film about a very interesting story. But please, this award belonged to The Revenant.

Biggest Triumph: Leo Wins! 

After decades of *TRANSCENDENT* performances, and years of being snubbed, the incredible Leonardo DiCaprio has rightfully claimed a little gold man! Kudos, you beautiful bastard, you!

Most Prevalent: Racial Satire

I think we all expected a heavy dose of discussion about the lack of diversity at the Oscars, but perhaps not as much as we got. Every word that came out of host, Chris Rock’s mouth had to do with the lack of racial diversity recognized by the Academy. But you know what? I think parody and satire are a great way to approach controversy and heavy subject matter. Were you squirming in your seat with some of the things he said? Was each mention of #OscarsSoWhite making you uncomfortable? GOOD. It should. Hollywood very clearly has a problem with representing the world as it actually is – diverse.

Suavest Gent: Dev Patel

It’s very difficult to pick most handsome at the Oscars, when there seems to be an endless sea (Fassbender, DiCaprio, Sudekis, Segal, Weeknd, Gosling…excuse me for a moment while I recollect this endless sea) of insanely gorgeous men decked out in perfectly cut suits. But personally, Dev Patel won for me. Facial Hair? On point. Unruly locks? Wanna run my hands through it. Need I say more?

Chicest Ladies: Rachel McAdams, Olivia Wilde, Lady Gaga, and Saoirse Ronan

While all the women looked stunning last night (even Heidi in her god awful gown), these four ladies absolutely slayed. Rachel McAdams could not have looked more chic in her deep jade, high-necked, and backless August Getty Atelier gown. Many were quick to comment on the amount of skin Olivia Wilde was showing in her Valentino gown. I, however, was quick to notice how stunning it was. The pleating was so elegant, especially the little capped details over her shoulder blades. Plus, there is no accessory better than an elegant choker. The sweet Saoirse Ronan looked unbelievably sexy, all the while completely tasteful in her green, sequinned Calvin Klein collection gown with its plunging neckline and beautiful sparkle. The indisputable winner in my mind, Queen of Personal Style, was Lady Gaga. In her custom Brandon Maxwell structured gown-pants combo, Gaga looked incredibly chic, sophisticated, and bold.

Sources: popsugar, people, instyle, vulture, eonline, pagesix, buzzfeed, vogue, justjared, mashable, channelnewsasia.